I’m so happy to be home.
|—||fuckingbizarre (via fuckingbizarre)|
Chicago’s newest Blackhawks fan. When in Rome. #chicago #blackhawks #ilovehockey (at United Center Blackhawks)
I need a cat.
i recently made the decision to block all facets of communication from the ex. i just got tired of hearing myself complain that he wasn’t changing or even hinting at changing, that he wasn’t treating me with respect and that he was using me for a place to stay and a bed to sleep in when he was drunk and nearby and calling it “caring.”
so i did it. i blocked him.
at first, it felt so good. i felt so proud of myself. my friends supported this effort. even HIS friends supported it saying, "we all kind of wondered how you two lasted this long anyways. he’s just really a selfish asshole" which shocked me because they’re his friends.
i was doing SO well until yesterday when i saw something that shook me, rubbed salt in what i thought was a healing wound and made it feel fresh and new again. the pain still stings, makes me feel defeated and moreso, that this relationship is really, really over.
i have been holding on to false hope that maybe ONE DAY he’ll figure out that i am worth it. but my unfair and masochistic behavior is what got me into this mess - still feeling terrible 2 whole months later.
my best friend put it into perspective in a very eye-opening and impossible-to-ignore way. when i told her i have been experiencing pangs of loss, she said, “you’ve been losing since you took him back for cheating. this is actually the first time i look at you and think you’re winning. you blocked him, FINALLY, almost a year later and now you’re winning. you’re actually being stronger even though you don’t feel stronger and that’s because actions speak louder. feelings and emotions follow actions. if you act strong and act over it long enough, you will be over it. you will be stronger.”
sometimes, you need some tough love and swift verbal kick in the ass to get you back on track. i have committed myself to changing my personal narrative about getting rid of a man who had no intention of ever letting me in, of ever being there for me.
i’m still a work in progress but i believe that the future will be MUCH brighter (without him in it).
|—||R.H. (via gudda)|
too much funday for that sunday.
so many bad decisions.
let the self loathing begin.